a n i m a t i o n . w o r d s & p i c t u r e s . f o r u m
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Operation: Binge and PurgePosted by: DaveA PLAN IS BORN One day, whilst enjoying a nice cup of Sleepy Time Tea, Dave Teatro and Chris Carson had a thought. A wonderful, mind blowing, erection causing thought . . . "What if we, like, didn't eat, then ate a bunch of burgers?!" Brilliant! And a plan is born. After some extensive research (calling Wendy's in an angered, drug induced state), it was discovered that Wednesday is the day to eat cheap hamburgers at McDonalds. We, being pookey sons of bitches, theorized that our bodies could withstand three days sans food. No more, no less. And so it begins. On Saturday, March 31st, we planned to eat our last meal. At 11:30 AM. Ish. Something nice. Not too fancy. Like steak. Without sauce. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday would consist of much water, bitching and sex. We figured that we might have to resort to sodomy. (And we did. - Ed.) We planned to break our fast with a feast of 25 hamburgers each. 15 if we were lucky. Our motto? "What we lose we shall regain, through our suffering and our pain". This is for you, Matty H.
We sucked it up. I, Dave, managed to go without food for 46 hours. Sweet pizza was the death of me. That and a McFlurry . . . and a Big Mac. And let's not forget the Wheat Thins. I'm a pathetic, weak little man. Chris, however, went strong for an extra day. Despite our failure, we forge on to . . . PHASE TWO 
7:00 PM - We arrive at our local McDonalds establishment. We can no longer afford the original 50 burgers as Chris has spent his money on a Moby CD. This is not a good example of his dedication to the experiment, although his devotion will be evident later in the timeline. The money was spent because the original plan had been to eat at 3:00 PM, and I slept in. We can now afford 44 burgers, the total being $29.18 CDN. 7:30 - The burger eating is going smoothly. We've tackled 6 delicious burgers each. 8:00 - We brickwall at 8 burgers a piece.
8:45 - We leave the restaurant in search of a vomit aid. Ipicac, the syrup of choice for all small children who drink bleach. 9:00 - After suffering the disapproving stares of three pharmacists at three drug stores, a very naive gentleman finally sells us our poison. 9:30 - The Ipicac has been divided equally and downed. We now play the waiting game. We realize that this particular McDonalds has but one toilet. We head to the mall. 9:37 - Turned down at Zellers and too embarassed to vomit in the busy Tim Hortons, we make a pathetic return to McDonalds. 9:45 - Chris vomits and I soon follow his lead. The floor around the toilet is quite a mess. 10:00 - After much deliberation, we realize we feel too shitty to go on. We abandon the experiment having eaten 10 burgers each. Needless to say, we've failed miserably. The leftover burgers are tossed on the roof of the neighbouring Wendys establishment. The remains in Chris' gut are tossed behind the Wendys dumpster. Stay tuned for our next experiment . . . how long will it take Chris to bleed out after having been stabbed in the gut? |
