a n i m a t i o n . w o r d s & p i c t u r e s . f o r u m
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Cross-Dressing, FBI Vacuum Conspiracies RevealedBy: Josh01.25.01 
 Okay, I was reading through "The Peterborough Examiner," some local yokel paper, usually reserving page space for updates about the local Hockey team, winning Lottery numbers and some "Dear Abby" wanna be columnist. In short, not what you would consider top-rate reading material, in fact, material is the wrong word entirely, unless you're a fan of full-page spreads of some gap-toothed dimwit, swinging an exaggerated, phallical toothpick around. Most of the inhabitants of my surrounding community are either illiterate, and/or dyslexic, so of course it has a high circulation (let's ignore the fact that I get, and read, it). I seem to have gotten off topic here. I did notice though that there was one interesting article, two if you count the one about the Pope, never have I loved such a senile old bastard in the overwhelming and purely condescending way that I do the Pope, but there was a much better article calling my name. The title was the first indication, as you will soon see, and I'm sure you will also be duped into dreaming up weird conspiracy theories about FBI director's spying on their animals like I did, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Obviously this article was far superior to some Pope shit. I say superior in reference to its content, not to its quality, a la - the writer is some illiterate primate who somehow banana-ed his way onto the front page. Imagine my shock upon discovering that it was about Pierre Elliot Trudeau, the Ex-Prime Minister of Canada who died this October. Whom, I should mention before you read it, is considered by many to be the best Prime Minister we've ever had. Go into this article thinking about that. But not only was it about Mr. Trudeau, it involves a closet-case, cross-dressing, pinko who held a high position of power in the U.S. for over 20 years! There's a picture of trudeau on the left. And that's the cross-dresser there on the right, sporting his best Winston Churchill impression (the order of their placement wasn't accidental). Imagine the thoughts going through his head. I can only assume they have to deal with the pink panties he's obviously wearing. I couldn't get a link to this article, I'm sure you are as surprised about the lack of website as I was, but read on, I had to write it all out for you. Feared former FBI director Edgar J. Hoover had spies watching Pierre Elliot Trudeau beginning almost 50 years ago, declassified documents show. The documents, stamped "Confidential," show Hoover had Trudeau under surveillance as far back as Oct 16, 1951. Based on the heavily censored file, Hoover and his famed G-Men clearly believed Trudeau was either a closet Communist or soft on Communist leaders. Every U.S. President who dealt with Trudeau likely saw his FBI file. Reports were made to former U.S secretary of state Henry Kissenger and attorney general John Mitchell when both worked for Richard Nixon. The FBI also looked in on Margaret Trudeau, while she visited New York City in 1977, during her days of cavorting with Rock stars and roguish celebrities. Agents also forwarded her lost pocketbook after it was lost in Newport, R.I., in 1974 but not before carefully documenting its contents in a confidential letter to FBI headquarters in Washington. Much of the reports, as well as directives on Trudeau signed by Hoover, were blacked out before being released. Protecting U.S. national security, foreign policy, as well as those who gathered information, were cited as the reasons for withholding vast sections of the 161-page report. FBI reports on individuals can be made public after they die. The Bureau insisted on proof of Trudeau's death before making their 161-page file on the former Prime Minister available. A copy of the front page New York Times report from last October of Trudeau's death was included for the file. The file also included terse agent reports of four assassination threats made against Trudeau in the United States. One of them from Detroit, received in 1980, had Trudeau's name on a hand-written hit-list that included figures as diverse as Ronald Reagan and Playboy publisher Hugh Hefner. "Dear Sirs: on suggested executions," the letter from the unidentified writer began. "Will conduct checks on (blacked-out name of suspect) and present to U.S. Attorney," the FBI report said. While careful to censor the name and contents of most of their reports and correspondents, the wide scope of the clandestine surveillance of Trudeau was clear. A letter addressed to Hoover from the Bureau's Ottawa office suggests they first began watching the young Trudeau as far back as October 1951. The letter, copied to the FBI's Paris office, is stamped "Confidential" and was completely blacked out, apart a hand-written admonition not to disseminate it. The subject line has "INTERNAL SECURITY" typed into it, indicating the FBI believed Trudeau might have been a threat to the security of the United States. Trudeau would have been a carefree millionaire bachelor of 31 at the time of the report but the then academic was also planning a trip to the Soviet Union. The United States was in the full-paranoid throes of McCarthyism in 1951. Communists were believed to be preparing to quietly infiltrate all levels of the U.S. government. Trudeau was prevented from entering the United States for years after he returned from Russia. Hoover was particularly zealous in his pursuit of suspected Communists, homosexuals and the politically active who were sexually promiscuous. Trudeau's opponents accused him of being all three at various points in his life. Hoover sent an entirely censored memo to his Ottawa agents at the time Trudeau was Justice Minister and repealed Canada's laws against homosexuality. Hoover, who died a bachelor in 1972, did an excellent job of keeping his own proclivities quiet. Several books were written after his death suggesting he was a homosexual who enjoyed dressing up as a woman and wearing make-up. The FBI director asked for the agency's updated file on Trudeau immediately after he was elected in 1968. One report, dated April 10, 1968, was labeled: "All records (subversive and non-subversive)." "No arrest record was located," it concluded. Later that summer, the Bureau's Chicago office forwarded a Chicago Tribune newspaper story to Hoover titled: "Trudeau Eyes Recognition of Red China." Trudeau's friendship with President Fidel Castro and his admiration for elements of the Cuban revolution also kept agents busy. The Bureau's Mexico field office sent a memo on the subject to headquarters in Washington. If the FBI wasn't convinced Trudeau was a fire-breathing Red, there were plenty of Americans who were. The Bureau monitored a Tampa, Fla., group that played a recorded anti-Communist rant for those ringing up. 
There's another picture for all you enthusiasts (I'm getting better at this crazy.php stuff). Any grammatical or spelling errors are the monkeys, not mine. The guy wrote it like a children's story goddamn it, "Billy was walking down the street." Here it's time for a new paragraph of course. "Then Billy found a ball on the sidewalk. Billy was happy. He jumped. And bounced the ball." New paragraph here. Maybe a child actually wrote it. Bah, needless to say this is a great story. There are poison theory's floating around about Hoover's death, tied to the Watergate scandal. Hell, if I were Nixon, I would've poisoned the hypocritical bastard too. Then I'd dress him up like Marilyn Monroe, and parade him around the White House lobby, with a pearl necklace, and blue eye shadow, claiming I'd found him in the bathroom that way. Then I'd leave him out on the lawn, in black, lacy lingerie, get good and pissed, go make-out with Pat, tell the world to fuck off on national television, and resign. Then, as my last act as President, I'd spray-paint "DICK NIXON KICKS ASS" on every surface in the White House, drink a whole lot more and wake up in Mexico a week later, with purple hair, a sombrero and a discharged pistol. No, I take that back, that would just be wrong, Marilyn doesn't deserve that; I'd dress him up like that hussy Fay Wray. Furthermore, what the hell is the point of "releasing" a person's "file" if the only thing anyone could do with it is get high off of the magic marker fumes? And leave out large chunks of it citing "National Security" and "Foreign Policy," as a fancy way of saying, "uhm, yeah, well we tried to kill the guy a couple times, you know, we got a reputation to uphold here." They wouldn't even let Trudeau into the fucking country because he went to Russia. You Americans are a bunch of elitist motherfuckers you know that. I'm not throwing my support behind Communism here (ironic isn't it?), but at least they don't have George-fucking-Bush about to anally rape, shoot, electrocute, and snort up their country. I know much of this happened in the '50's and everyone was stupid then, wait a second, Trudeau wasn't stupid, was he? And to top off the guy being hounded by the FBI for half of his life before someone poisoned Hoover's Lipstick, they had to follow the RealTV trend and televise his fucking funeral! Now, I was forced to watch it, against my feeble protests. I don't like funerals myself, and now I've found a new thing to creep me out in bed at night. It was pretty funny to see the whole throng, saluting and marching to the Flag and Anthem, like it was the Fourth Reich, and HAGEL HITLER this is one HELL of a country (did you know Hitler has fan clubs? For some reason I can't see Neo-Nazi's having slumber parties, saluting posters of Adolf sitting on a motorcycle, and gossiping about what he would look like naked.). After I became a minister, I claimed that standing up for the National Anthem was against my religion. Which brings me around to my next order of business, SIGN THE FUCK UP to be a Dot-Communist you assholes, or I'll send you to hell, I swear I will. I can do it too. God said I could. And that's just one of the many bonuses of Dot-Communism , plus we have religious holidays constantly, which is a benefit to the employed as well as the schooled. Just look at yourself in the mirror and think, what would Jesus do? I think we all know the answer here. |
