a n i m a t i o n . w o r d s & p i c t u r e s . f o r u m
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Noah's Ark: FRAUDBy: Josh03.26.01 Who hasn't heard of Noah's Ark? The giant boat built by some dink named Noah, who hallucinated that God spoke to him from the bottom of his bottle, to carry two of every species of the Earth during the flood God supposedly set upon the world. A wonderful little story, hell, NBC even made it into mini-series last year. 
Well, my Mother's Catholic(you don't know proud she is of me, writing for dot-communism and all) and when I was a kid, I had a little, plastic Noah's Ark playset. It was fun, making all the little animals have sex with each other while Noah and his wife watched from their perch atop the crow's nest. It was a cool toy, considering it's intent to brainwash me, it made the transition from normal toy to bathtub toy too, where I could make the animals have sex with each other while Titanicing their asses, as Noah and his wife watched from their perch atop the soap dish. Needless to say, I never really thought about it's religious implications, and truth be told, there's a tonne of Noah's Ark regalia out there, about as much as corny Jesus T-shirts. Yes, I put the pictures up for you to prove my point, that religion is everywhere. Even Wisconsin. Just a little trip down memory lane there, so, despite all my little crap about the Bible being false and a load of shit, this fellow who I swiped these quotes from(yeah, and I'm not giving him any credit for it either) seems to have done it quite nicely. These are some quotes from the Bible pertaining to the flood and the Ark, and quotes pointing out how Noah's Ark could not have been real. Which negates pretty much the rest of the bible as well, as far as I'm concerned...so, read on.  "World astonished as Noah's ark is discovered in Wisconsin" [a] Gen. 6:16 says, "A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above;...." - How could so many creatures breathe with only one small opening which was closed for at least 190 days--150 days plus an additional 40 days (Gen. 8:3-6)? [b] Gen. 6:15 says, "The length of the ark shall be 300 cubits(450 feet-ed), the breadth of it 50 cubits (75 feet-ed.), and the height of it 30 cubits (45 feet-ed.)." - How could two of every animal survive for approximately 10 months on a boat encompassing1,518,750 cubic feet? The food alone would absorb tremendous space. [c] Gen. 6:17 says, "I do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and everything that is in the earth shall die." Gen. 7:4 reinforces this point, "...and every substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth." - Yet, how would a flood destroy sea animals, such as whales, porpoises, sea snakes, dolphins, amphibians, and all animals entirely underwater?  "That's right kids, America's biggest fun-pumping, Bible-thumping, water park!" [d] Gen. 7:8-9 says, "Of clean beasts, and of beast that are not clean, and fowls of every thing that creepeth upon the earth, There went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, the male and female, as God had commanded Noah." - The problems associated with this account of the creatures entering the Ark are particularly interesting. -How did animals that are restricted to certain parts of the earth get to the Ark? Penguins, kangaroos, polar bears, koala bears, and many others would have to have crossed vast oceans. 
[e] Gen. 7:15 says, "And they went in unto Noah into the Ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life." - How did water creatures such as whales, porpoises, sea snakes, dolphins, and so forth enter the Ark? Moreover, since millions of species of animal exist throughout the world, how could a pair have been taken from each? There are over 500,000 separate species of insects alone. [f] Gen. 8:4 states, "And the ark rested in the 7th month on the 17th day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat." - How could the Ark have rested upon several mountains at once? [g] Gen. 8:8 says "Also he sent forth a dove from him, to see if the waters were abated from off the face of the ground." - Why did Noah send a bird to learn what was clearly evident? [h] Gen. 8:11 says, "And the dove came in to him in the evening; and lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf plucked off." - It's difficult to believe a dove could have found an olive leaf to freshly pluck in a world that had been submerged for nearly a year.  "YOU ARE SEEING CORRECTLY! NOAH BEANIE BABIES! JESUS! WHY GOD? [i] Gen. 8:20 states, "And Noah builded an alter unto the Lord; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the alter." - Killing animals of which only two remain after the Flood seems absurd. [j] Gen. 7:13 states, "In the selfsame day entered Noah, and Sham, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark." - If the human race began anew from Noah and his sons, are we supposed to believe the wide variations among the earth's people developed in short period since the Flood? Are we supposed to believe that the fair-haired Swede, the brown-skinned, dark-haired Indian, and the black-skinned native came from the same ancestors so quickly? [k] Gen. 7:4 says, "For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from the face of the earth." - But what had the beast and the creeping things done to excite God's anger? They had committed no sin; they had eaten no forbidden fruit, and they had not tried to reach the tree of life. [l] Gen. 8:5 and 8:13 state the Flood covered the earth and its mountains. If so, where did all the water go? 
"How could I sleep at night if I didn't find an Ark shirt. That's the "Adult" shirt, people. Look at that thing!" [m] Lastly Gen. 8:19 raises questions which must be answered. The verse says, "Every beast, every creeping thing, and every fowl, and whatsoever creepth upon the earth, after their kinds, went forth out of the ark." - How were the animals preserved after leaving the Ark? There was no grass except such as had been submerged for a year. How were the herbivores taken care of until the earth was again clothed with vegetation? There were no animals to be devoured by the carnivores, except those which were on the Ark. From whence came their food? Apologists will be asked in next month's issue to address an equally large number of contradictions between the verses themselves There you go, no more debate about it, someone tell the president, it's over. I gotta find something else to do now.......shit. Oh yeah, all the old sermons have been compiled onto an archive page now, so go there if you want to see all of the sermons(which, now, will only be linked to the archive page), and a nifty little animated gif. |
